Secrets Of Thread & Button
by the Last Flowerchild
Summary: Toki's life thru the point of view of his Deddy Bear. Somehow thru the madness of fame and drunk sex, Toki manages to fall prey to Skwisgaar's charm, Nathan's brutality, & Pickles kind concern. MAINLY a Pickles/Toki slash.
1. New Master

****WARNINGS****

**Slash, drug/alcohol usage, and some bad language.  
****This story is also very weird...be warned.**

****DISCLAIMER****

**Don't own any of the important characters,  
****but the idea for the story is mine.**

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_"If only I  
__could feel  
__The sound  
__of the sparrows  
__& feel child hood  
__pulling me  
__back again_

_If only I could feel  
__me pulling back  
__again  
__& feel embraced  
__by reality  
__again  
__I would die  
__Gladly die"  
__~~Poet: Jim Morrison~~__Book: The American Night~~_

_**New Master**_

There were secrets, ones that he told me never to tell, but perhaps they deserve to be told. I truly do love my Master, ever since our friendship was first forged from snow and tears. It began on a cold Norwegian night, in winter. I was thrown out into the trash because I was ragged and useless—or so I thought. I slept in that trashcan, my button-eyes focused up at the moon, my woolly mind dreaming of a time of liberation, of getting a real human Master who would love me. I suppose that hours passed before I heard a sorry sort of sniffling and the crying of a boy.

He was an average-seized child, though much thinner than most, with brown hair and eyes as pale as the moon in Spring. Those wonderful eyes were shining that night, blazing with fresh and freely falling tears of pain. I didn't know why, but at that moment it seemed as if that six-year-old boy, that sobbing, pitiful Norwegian child, was the saddest thing on the Earth. Then again, so was I. As he walked by I smelled sweat and blood on him, watched as he wiped his bruised and blackened eyes. By chance, he glanced over at the trashcan that I was in. He came over, picked me up, and plucked some trash from my fur.

"You look nice." he commented, his voice a soft murmer of affection. It disgusted me that he seemed so needy, so neglected.

_Stupid child, put me down._

"I bet that you would like to be my friend, wouldn't you?"

_No, not really._

"I'm Toki," the boy whispered in my ear. "Toki Wartooth."

_That's nice, but I really don't care, now put be down before-_

He walked away with me, continued on down the street. One of his crystal tears fell into my fur, matted it. I hated the child for seeming so obviously week, but what could I do? I was a stupid old teddy bear, good for nothing anymore. Maybe it would be good to have a new Master, one that wouldn't throw me in a trashcan; surely this boy was so neglected that he wouldn't give up anything that brought him the slightest comfort. Clearly I must have calmed him, because as soon as he plucked me from the snow and trash, he was hugging me, holding me close. He began telling me all of why he was walking out in the cold in the middle of the night.

"My dad," he said, "locked me out and hurt me because I messed up some of my chores today."

_Stupid, cruel man. Doesn't he know that you could freeze to death?_

"He didn't really realize how cold it would get, I think. He sometimes doesn't think about stuff like that, that's all." Toki looked down at his shoes as he walked and a sad sort of desperate look came over his face as he said, "God, I wish I wouldn't mess up so much...he locks me out a lot."

_Does he? The bastard. I'd kill him if I were you, boy._

"I don't think he means it, though. He says that he hates me sometimes, but..." he shrugged and let out a breath, one that produced a warm cloud of vapor in the freezing air. "I don't think he means it." and he walked and hugged me closer, made me warmer. Truly I was beginning to love the boy, and that old remorse towards him already melting away. "But it's okay now, 'cause I have you and you're my friend. I can tell you anything, right? You won't tell anyone, will you? My dad would kill me if you would tell him what I said..."

_Stupid boy, I'm a teddy bear; I can't speak._

"He gets mad when I tell people what he does to me." and he peered up at the stars and the moon and smiled wistfully. "I don't really mind it when he locks me out, though. The nights are pretty, huh?"

_Yeah, whatever._

And Toki walked around town and in the forest until the sun broke the darkness of night. He took me back home and there I stayed for a long while. I did love him, but still there were times when I wished that I was anywhere else. Mostly it was during moments where I'd watch the boy get beaten by his father and insulted by his mother. She would tell him he was useless, worthless. She told him often that she didn't even know why she bothered to keep him around at all; thru all of this my Master managed to keep a brave, understanding look on his face and respond with quiet, submissive, "Yes, I understand. I know what you mean." When he was alone he'd often seem happy but begin to sob for no reason, until he made himself sick. He didn't cry often, but when he did it came suddenly, seemingly without cause, and would last for hours.

There were many things to learn about my master, many things to get used to. One was his father. I swear that no sound in the world is worse than a child's screaming; it echoes, I swear, for at least a thousand miles. I could hear my Master's howling no matter what room I was in within the house—it was piercing, horrible, and pitiful. His father seemed to enjoy it, though. One of the worst times I can remember my Master screaming like that happened when he came into his room, put down his school books, and turned to me, a pale, sick look of worry on his young face. Always when he looked at me there was some sort of undeserved love in those pale eyes; he clearly adorned me for some unknown reason.

He was young to love me like that, only around six years old, but somehow he was still much older than the other children whom I watched playing outside. He sounded horse and terrified as he said in a whisper, "I-I messed up _bad."_

_What did you do wrong now, stupid child?_

Toki said nothing for a long while, just looked away and climbed into his bed, hugged a pillow to his chest. "He's going to kill me, I messed up so bad..."

From outside there came a loud cry of, "Toki Wartooth, where are you?"

It was Toki's father. I _hated _Toki's father. He was the worst person I've ever known. I'd seen Toki spend many nights crying because of him, and now I could tell that this would be one of those nights; once That Man got angry, he could not be quelled. We heard his footsteps coming closer, making the floorboards creak under their stomping weight. Toki reached over, grabbed my paw, and hugged me to him, crushed me to his thin, heaving chest.

_Let go, stupid boy..._

"He's going to kill me." he repeated. Never would I find out of my Master could actually hear me or not, but he did usually guess at what I thought. He was very smart, despite what most people thought.

Then That Man came in, his black cloak billowing around his feet, making him look like a shadow. His face was pale, withered, and twisted in rage, a sight that really terrified my Master. He glared at Toki with a sort of hard, unyielding viciousness that even made me fear him. I knew he would never hurt me; I was just his son's teddy bear. Toki, though, would be sorry for whatever 'wrong' he'd done. I felt something warm hit the top of my head. My Master was crying, letting his tears run down his fair cheeks and onto my brown fur.

_Don't cry, it only makes it worse. It only makes him angrier, you know that._

"Get up out of the bed, boy."

"D-Daddy, please..."

That Man let out a yell of anger and stepped forward, took my Master by a handful of his hair, and threw him out of the bed. "Kissing other boys _at school? _What the hell kind of father do you think I am? Did you think that I wouldn't punish you, that I wouldn't find out? Do you think I'm a fool?"

"I...I..." what could be said? Nothing.

That Man raised his fist, offered Toki one last avenue of escape. "Did you like it?"

I watched with my button-eyes eyes as my Master turned red and whispered cluelessly, "Like what?"

"Kissing that other boy."

_Lie, lie you stupid-_

"N-No..." but as he met his father's knowing, hateful gaze, he lowered his head and shrugged hopelessly. "Maybe."

And that sealed his fate, if it hadn't been sealed already. That Man beat him worse than I'd ever seen before, and when he was done Toki was laying on the floor of his room, his face sticky with blood and his shirt stained with the redness. That Man came forward, snatched me up from my place, and held me tight.

"I will take your bear tonight."

"B-But I can't sleep without-"

"What?"

Toki swallowed and a disgusted look came across his young, cut face; did he taste blood? "Nothing." he whispered weakly. And just like that, That Man took me away from his son for the whole night. I heard my Master sobbing upstairs in his room, though. That didn't escape my hearing. He was weeping, crying for me.

Once he even summoned up the courage and strength enough to drag himself to his parent's room and cry, "P-Please give me back my teddy, daddy, _please!"_

"Go to bed, boy!" That Man yelled back, throwing me on the floor next to his bed. "Go back to your room or I'll beat you again until you have to go to the hospital."

"I...I can't-"

"Toki Wartooth, you're trying my patience." he warned. I heard my Master's footsteps echoing outside as he walked down the hall and back to his room.

I realized then that although I may not like it, although I might wish with all my might that things were different, Toki Wartooth was my new master. Somehow the boy was beginning to grow on me, and just like that I had earned myself a new master. I didn't expect what would come next—up until that night my life had been a series of unpredictable, impossible circumstances—but somehow, I supposed that I might as well spend my time with this boy, my Toki.

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****A/N****

**If you haven't guessed it yet, this story will be written all thru the P.O.V. Of Toki's amazing deddy bear. Why? Well why the hell not? I know it's an odd concept—and perhaps a sort of stupid one—but just give it a chance. Trust me, it will get better and there will be lots of slash. Toki/Skwisgaar, Toki/Nathan, Toki/Pickles, Pickles/Nathan, & Skwisgaar/Pickles stuff. Poor Murderface, still not that much of a main character. :( Too bad.**

**Remember that reviews are appreciated and I'm _very _eager to see what kind of comments I'll get for this story. Hmm...it will be interesting. Thanks for reading.**

**Peace & Love**


	2. Difference Shows

_**Difference Shows**_

And so the years passed and gradually Toki Wartooth became my Master. I grew to trust him as he grew to trust me. He told me things, and I had no choice but to listen; as I heard him speak, I memorized the wonderful pitch of his voice and began to feel as though he was very _different. _This was an odd feeling, one that was unsuspected. I couldn't place the origin of this difference I felt towards him until one day he came home panting, his cheeks a blazing red.

"You won't believe it, deddy bear, you really won't!" Yes, now I was his 'deddy bear'; he had sewn a Devil's tail onto me in a sort of childish effort to rebel against his parents and their strict Christian values. He would tug me by the tail, pick me up and hug me roughly, like he did now, his voice an excited hum. "One of my friends, he has a sister—"

_Oh God, you stupid child, why are you telling me about this?_

"-and today he told me at school that she _likes _me."

_And you like her? So what?_

"But I have a really, really big—something _happened." _he paused, turned redder than I thought possible, and added, "Something really bad..."

_What was it, stupid child?_

"I was gonna tell him that I didn't like her, but he-" he glanced over his shoulder, tried to make sure that nobody was about to enter his room; slowly he leaned closer to me and whispered in my ear, "-he-my friend—kissed me!"

_He what?_

"He just leaned forward like this..." he leaned over me and pressed his lips to my snout, a little, shy smile on his face as he repeated, "...he just kissed me right here, right on the lips! And you wanna know what else?"

_Dear God, just shut up. _

"I actually _liked _it!"

And that's when my fears were validated; my Master, the boy who had kept me warm and safe for the past few years, was different. It wasn't a good different either, not one that I could ignore—it struck me then that Toki Wartooth, my Master, was gay.

This fact was made clearer each day. Instead of hovering over pictures of half-naked girls like my previous masters had done, he would lay in his bed, stare up at the ceiling, and blush. It didn't take a genius to figure out what he was thinking about—or what other thirteen-year-old boy he was thinking of doing it with. I had met my Master when he was just the innocent, tender age of six, but now, as the months melted into years, I began to think him the queerest thing I'd ever seen.

His father beat him, but he never showed remorse—he almost acted as if he _deserved _it; when he got beat up at school, he came home and normally didn't even shed a tear. Yes, he would get beaten a lot, at home and at school, but usually the kids were worse than his merciless father. The worst time that I can remember is when he came home with a bloody, broken nose, a few cracked ribs, and a broken arm. He told me the story so vividly, I remember it so clearly. Yes, I remember his nightmare.

After he and his best friend had kissed, the other boy's mother had moved to some place called Sweden. Now Toki had only a few friends left, but what was worse was that all the other kids knew why the other boy had moved. They tormented my Master horribly, relentlessly. One day while he was walking home from school a boy and his other two friends pulled him off to the side and shoved him against the brick wall of a building.

"Trying to run home, you fucking queer?" one of the boys asked as he stepped forward and wrapped a hand around Toki's neck. My Master glanced from one kid to the other, a fearful gleam in his eye.

"W-What?" he asked, swallowing. He weakly tried to pry the boy's hands off of his throat, but failed miserably. "Please, just let me go; I've got to get home."

"Why? So you can go jack yourself off?"

"What?" The boy released him, but didn't hesitate to raise his fist and hit Toki hard across his face, leaving a dark bruise on his cheek. He let out a cry of pain, but did nothing except stand there and tear up. "What did I do?"

"You kissed another _boy, _you God damn prick! You know what that makes you?" the kid asked, cracking his knuckles. "A faggot."

"I'm not-"

"Are you _crying?" _the boy mocked, indicating Toki's tears. He laughed and hit him again, this time in his stomach; Toki doubled over in pain and let out a sob, which earned him another hit across the face. He fell to his knees, and the other boy went up and punched him again and again, until his knuckles were bleeding and Toki was on the ground, his face bloody and cut. Behind the boy the other two kids were laughing.

"You're not even going to fight back?"

Toki shook his head and said, his voice broken and weak, "No, because I didn't do anything wr-" a kick in the ribs and he was gasping; the other boy didn't hear how his bones had splintered and cracked, but Toki had felt it. The pain was unimaginable, and he found it impossible to even draw breath as the other boy climbed on top of him and spit in his face.

"You stupid prick..."

"What are you talking about?" he gasped, his eyes shut tightly against the mounting pain. "I-I-I didn't do anything wrong."

"We don't like little faggots like you," the boy hissed, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a pocket knife and pressed it to Toki's neck. "I wanna _kill _queers like you."

"Why? I didn't even-"

"Do you like guys?" Toki said nothing, just blushed. The boy pressed on the knife harder, drawing a little blood. "Answer me, queer."

"I-I can't breathe..." he whispered, sniffling. Blood trickled down his face in several small streams. Behind them the other two boys were still laughing at Toki's tears and his fright. This encouraged the boy with the knife to take a handful of my Master's hair and slash it neatly with the knife.

"Don't you parents make enough money to cut your damn hair?" he asked, grinning smugly as he dropped a few locks at Toki's feet.

My Master's eyes grew wide, filled with fresh tears. "God, please don't! My hair, it's-"

"It makes you look like a girl, you queer." he hissed in Toki's ear, cutting off more and more. "Like a God damn little girl."

_Cut, chop, cut..._

He came home that day broken and bleeding, hunched over sideways, still panting. There were tears of agony in his eyes and each time breathed he let out a little half-sob, half-gasp of pain. His arm was held against his chest and he threw his book sack down on the floor with an odd sort of carelessness that I'd never seen from him before. He took one glance at me, his bright, crystal eyes ringed by blood and cuts and bruises and tears. He said nothing—would say nothing for a long while, for weeks, actually—and just threw himself onto his bed with one last groan of anguish.


	3. Dethklok

"_Children waiting for the day they feel good  
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday  
And I feel the way that every child should  
Sit and listen, sit and listen  
Went to school and I was very nervous  
No one knew me, no one knew me  
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson  
Look right through me, look right through me_

_And I find it kind of funny_  
_I find it kind of sad_  
_The dreams in which I'm dying_  
_Are the best I've ever had_  
_I find it hard to tell you_  
_I find it hard to take_  
_When people run in circles_  
_It's a very very, mad world, mad world..."_

_~~Gary Jules, Mad World_

_**Dethklok**_

Time passed, as it so often does, and one day my Master took me for a long drive, then a ride in a plane. We flew far, across waves of blue and amazing green lands such as I had never seen—the snow and gloom of Norway was gone, it had given way to a new and alien beauty. Toki held me close, hugged me, and whispered, "This ams America."

_What are we doing here in 'America'?_

It was an odd thing. In the past few years, my Master seemed to have acquired an acute sense of awareness about what I was thinking, because he would often—perhaps unintentionally—answer my questions. Always he seemed to know what I was thinking. "There ams this band and they wants me to play guitar for thems. Isn't that goods?" The past few weeks he'd been speaking in a strange new language, one that he called _English. _I'd had to learn it in order to understand what he was trying to say, but he was very bad at it. I could tell. He'd also begun playing the guitar about a year ago and gotten quite good at it. He'd play me songs a lot, which was nice. I liked that.

Now my Master just stared out of the plane window and said excitedly, "We ams almost there."

_Where are we going? Why aren't we staying home with your parents?_

"I can't believes we dids it..." he said, sinking down low in his seat and holding me tighter. "We really rans away! Can you believes that?"

_Ran away? We're not going home? Why not?_

"I'm going to be famous!" he muttered in my ear as he caressed my fur gently, affectionately. Yes, my Master was very good to me, but also very immature.

_You're not going to be famous, you idiot! You were born a poor, sorry Norwegian boy, the son of a damn Reverend, and you'll die just like that—poor and sorry._

Reality did not come to my Master easily, apparently, because soon we were climbing out of a car and standing in front of the black gates of some massive estate. There were these strange, hooded men who addressed my Master as, 'Lord Toki,' and stuff like that; I didn't like them at all. They seemed superficial to me, but it really didn't matter. I didn't like many people other than my master. We were lead inside the massive house and into a room where there were more people. Much like my Master they wore dark clothes, but they didn't at all look like him or anyone I'd ever seen.

Norwegians tended to have bright hair or brown hair with light eyes; these men were very different and somehow, I sensed, _different, _like Toki. One, who my Master seemed to just stare at idiotically, had orange-red hair and blazingly green eyes that were full of a passion, for what I don't know. Music? Money, I have no clue. He was just passionate. One man had blond hair and was very tall and slender, and still another was broad-shouldered with long, black hair that reminded me of night. The last was fat and stupid-looking. I immediately sensed all of them and their fakeness—people were so fake—and disliked all of them except the red-haired one. He seemed halfway decent. Clearly my Master was drawn to him, so he couldn't be that horrible, could he?

There was another, too. He wasn't like any of the others, though. He was very curt and business-like, and he wore a crisp, fine suit. I didn't like the way he spoke to my Master, though. He was almost condescending. "Welcome to Mordhaus, Toki. Do you like what you've seen so far?"

_Mordhaus? What the hell is a Mordhaus?_

My Master nodded and clutched me tightly to his chest. "Ja, it's okays, I guess. It ams really big, though."

"Hmm, yes." he nodded and said to the other men, "Guys, please say hello to Toki Wartooth; he's going to be our new rhythm guitarist."

The blond rolled his eyes and said loudly, making sure that my Master could hear, "I thought we didn't needs one of those. I bet he ammnest not even anys good."

"I'ms good!" Toki blurted.

The black-haired man just grumbled something and reached for my Master's hand. He shook it roughly and growled in a low, harsh voice, "Yeah, whatever. If Ofdensen think you're good enough, then maybe you are."

"Okays."

"Yeah, you're cool, I guess," the redhead agreed, drinking some from a bottle of alcohol he was holding. He slapped my Master warmly on the shoulder and held out the booze. "Y'want a drink, dude?"

He shrugged, took the bottle, and drank some before handing it back to him and saying softly, "Thanks."

"Yep."

"Sho how long'sh he gonna be shtaying?" the fat one lisped. Oftdensen shrugged.

"However long he wants. As of today, Toki's home is here and our family is-"

"We ammnest not nos family." The blond said with a scoff. "We all hates each others."

"-complete. I trust that you'll all do your best to make Toki feel welcome." he glanced at my Master and said smartly, "He's one of us now, after all. We should do our best to accommodate him."

Over the next few months my Master and I would learn many things about this new place called America. Apparently my Master would become very famous there—worldwide, actually—but he would always be unhappy, no matter how much money or admiration he would get. For years to come he would still seem content, but suddenly begin speaking random bits of Norwegian and crying. I began to worry about him, but not as much as I worried about living out the rest of my days in this place, America. I can summarize it in a few words for you now:

_America:_

_Sex  
__Drugs  
__Booze  
__Sex  
__Democracy  
__**Sex  
**__Money_

And those few words, believe it or not, was what this new country was all about for me.


	4. Experimentation

_**Experimentation**_

A while passed by, long enough for me to realize many things that were wrong with this so-called 'family'. One was that they really didn't hate each other like they claimed they did. I found this out thru a very odd series of events. That _difference _that I sensed in them upon first meeting them was the same _difference _that was in my master. They were all gay, in love with themselves and each other more than anyone or anything else.

I figured this out because they often played a game, called 'drunk'. They would all get drunk when there wasn't a fan girl around, pull one another aside, and...well, I don't think I should say all of the things I've seen them do to themselves and each other. The point was that it was okay to be gay and play the 'drunk' game, because if you were truly drunk—or as drunk as they claimed to be—then their behavior was excusable. The next morning when they awoke naked together, perhaps holding the other in a warm embrace, they'd bid the other a shameful goodbye and retreat into their own rooms like nothing had ever happened. Yes, that was the game they played often, at least twice a month. My Master was a clear favorite, loved by everybody. Unfortunately, this also meant that he was taken advantage of the most. I was left and forgotten on the couch often times during these games, so I could see everything. One day during their 'drunk' game I watched as they all passed my Master a full bottle of alcohol and laughed when he hesitated and spilled some of it on his shirt.

"I gots..." he collapsed into Nathan's lap and breathed, "I ams drunk, I thinks..."

"Yeah, I guess we all are." he grinned and glanced over at Skwisgaar, a triumphant gleam in his eye. They all wanted to spend the night with my Master, but the rule was that the first one that got him and managed to seize his attention was the one that could keep him. Nathan always wanted my Master, but rarely could ever get him away from the blond Swede.

I watched as Nathan forced my Master took look up at him; he pressed his lips against Toki's, making him moan and squirm with pleasure in his lap. "You want more?" he whispered in my Master's ear. He nodded, leaned in for another kiss, but Nathan held him back. "You'll get more when I'm ready."

"Dude, maybe you should just let him alone t'night." Pickles said a ways off, taking a sip from the bottle that was near him. He was trying hard to ignore the playful gropes that Skwisgaar was giving him. "Don't let him drink no more."

"Why not?"

" 'Cause I don't want him getting sick, dildo."

Nathan rolled his eyes and scooped Toki up into his arms; he rose from his chair, grabbed three bottles of alcohol, and asked my Master, "You want more to drink?"

He nodded and said desperately, "Ja."

"Then come with me. You can have as much as you want."

He giggled drunkenly and let his head fall back. Nathan didn't even bother to support him, just let my Master's hair drag the floor as he walked him over to his room. I noticed that Pickles' eyes never left the face of my Master, and his green eyes were full of that passion that I had recognized before, only now it was burning and blazing—he wanted him. Skiwsgaar placed a hand on the drummer's thigh and whispered to him, "Comes on, lets me fuck with you tonight."

"No." he got up, pushed his chair in, and followed Nathan down the hall. The Swede glared after him.

"Fine, you stupids—and what ams _you _looking at?" he demanded, going over and picking me up from my spot on the couch. He let out a frustrated yell and threw me down the hall, after the other three men. I flew, landed outside of Nathan's open bedroom door, and saw a really disgusting sight. Nobody ever wants to see their best friend like _that, _but unfortunately I did. It was disgusting, something I wish I could forget forever, but I never will forget it, not because of what happened next.

Pickles barged into the room, slouched against the door frame, and slurred, "Hey, dude, y'gatta leave Toki alone...that kid, he's..."

His voice trailed off as Nathan threw my Master onto the bed; he touched Toki's now naked thigh and hissed, "Or what?"

"Or I'm gonna fuck you up, you cock-sucker."

He chuckled and stepped away from Toki, went up to Pickles, and pressed a hand to his cheek. "No, I'm not the cock-sucker. _He _is." he motioned over to my Master, who was watching the two men with unfocused eyes as he drank some more. Nathan continued, "How long has it been since we..."

" 'Fore he came."

"Yeah." and he chuckled. "Toki fucks good, huh?"

Pickles glanced over at my Master and shrugged; his cheeks were blushing as he admitted, "I-I dunno, I've never-"

"You wanna fuck him tonight?"

"Yeah," he breathed, nearly panted. "I do. Lemme fuck him, Nathan, lemme just take him an'-"

"Come in." Nathan purred, his deep voice sounding oddly alluring. Pickles obeyed and entered the room, never taking his emerald eyes off of my Master. "How bad do you want to have him?"

"I'll do anything." the drummer answered hungrily.

The things that happened next, not even I know. There were bodies, many of them, entangled together, and many moans and cries of pleasure. Once it was over, there was sweat, some tears, and a lot of cum; it coated Toki, warmed him with its stickiness. They were all covered in it, in each other's love, and could only bring themselves to sleep. My Master tried to hug Nathan and get his attention, but the singer pushed him away roughly and turned his back to him in the bed.

"Fuck off, you little prick."

He rolled over onto his back and closed his eyes. He had drank too much, but neither one of the two men seemed to care...that's what I thought until the drummer rolled over to face my Master, a little smile on his face."Hey, dude."

"H-Heys."

"You feelin' okay?"

He nodded, opened his pale eyes halfway, and let out an exhausted, "Ja."

"You wanna let me hold you tonight?"

"Sures."

" 'Kay. Come'mere." he scooted closer to my Master and gently wrapped his arms around him, held him close, like he was something precious. He was sweating, breathing hard from the effort of spending himself and so was my master, but somehow they still managed to put up with one another's sick exhaustion. "You feel good," Pickles whispered in my Master's ear. "so warm and nice..."

"Pickle, I—ams I drunk?"

"Yeah."

He chuckled and rested his head against Pickles' chest, let his eyes drift closed. "Okays, so I cans—I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"You—I—Nathans...I wanted to fucks you, just yous, but you wouldn't...Skwisgaar...and I just gots drunk and Nathan was there and you weren't ands sos I—he...I don'ts know, I'm just sorry." his voice was horribly slurred, almost to the point of absurdity, but the drummer still somehow understood his point. He planted a kiss atop my Master's head and smiled kindly.

"It's fine, I know. I wanted to fuck you too, just you and nobody else."

"Whys do you likes me so much?"

" 'Cause I just do."

It was an odd thing, but he didn't seem to be nearly as drunk as my Master; clearly he was buzzed, but not truly drunk. I did love how he treated Toki, though. For once it seemed as though my Master had finally found someone to actually care for him. I don't know the difference—or even if there is one—between fucking and making love, but what Pickles and Toki had done was made love. The drummer was oddly tender, sweet, and cautious, as if he were fearful of hurting my Master. That's why the tears had come. Toki had cried, never thought he could feel that sort of pleasure. It was new and terrifying for him, but amazingly wonderful. There hadn't been any fucking between the two of them, though, only between my Master and Nathan, who carelessly screwed him then went to sleep. Suddenly it seemed as though the 'drunk' game had taken on a whole new, deeper meaning than before.

Pickles was so amazingly sweet towards my Master, like how he held him now and ran his fingers thru his long, brown hair. "I dids good?" Toki inquired.

"Perfect."

"Okay...I can tells you something?"

"Sure."

"I like—_loves-_you a lot, since the day I saws you..."

Pickles laughed and shook his head. "No you don't, you're just drunk."

My Master yawned, shifted in the drummer's arms, and closed his eyes slowly. "I...I think you ams the most prettiest, sexiest, smartest, best person in the worlds..." he yawned again and let out a tired sigh. Pickles gently placed a hand at the small of Toki's back and grinned.

"You're tired, huh?" when my Master nodded, the drummer asked, "Did I hurt you?"

"Nos, you were perfect."

"Good, 'cause I could never hurt you."

"I wish Nathan woulds be like that—he hurts me sos bad." Toki mumbled tiredly. "Sos damn bad..."

"I'm sorry." he kissed my Master's forehead. "I won't let nobody hurt you ever again, love."

"You calls me love?"

"Yeah."

"Whys?"

"Because I do love you."

"Ohs." my Master said, like he understood. In a second he had climbed out of the drummer's arms and was rubbing his exhausted eyes. "So you wants to fucks me again?"

Pickles chuckled and shook his head, encouraged Toki to climb back into his embrace. "You're too tired."

"Dos you likes makings love to me?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "it's beautiful."

The next morning I watched as Pickles gathered up his clothes, got dressed, and snuck away from my Master. I didn't like that very much, but knew it wasn't meant to be an act of remorse towards Toki or an attempt to abandon him, only to escape the awkward, naked good-mornings that were about to come. Of course he passed by me as he left and I could smell booze and sex on him. He hesitated before walking past me and stopped. He picked me up and glanced back into the room at my Master, who was still sleeping soundly. With a little, timid smile on his face Pickles said to me, "He's really amazing, huh?"

_He's alright, I suppose, and I guess you're okay too._

"I wish that he'd love me as much as he loves you."

Stupid humans. Why did they always confide in me? It was a lucky thing that he did, though, otherwise I would've never really known just how much the drummer cared for my Master; clearly he loved him for some reason. Maybe it was Toki's eyes, those silvery-blue orbs that were like two separate planets revolving around each other, eternally pulled together by some invisible gravitational attraction. Maybe it was just the way his smile made his whole face revert back to the happy times of his childhood...maybe it was many things, perhaps both of these things mixed together, I'll never know. I just realized that at that moment, Pickles really did love my Master far more than I could ever bring my mind to know, and what was just as strange was that my master loved him back for some unholy reason.

And so I thought with much remorse, _You idiot, he _does _love you more than anything...more than me? Maybe..._

"Tell him good morning for me, 'kay?"

_I can't talk, you idiot._

Still, he walked quietly and quickly back into the room, placed me in my Master's arms, and then kissed his cheek. His eyes glowed with an admiration as he whispered, "I love you, Toki."

"Hmm..." was his response, and to turn over and wrap an arm around Nathan's broad shoulders. A look of hurt seemed to flash across the drummer's face as he watched my Master do this, but he said no more. In a moment he was out of the room, his warm, glowing emotions gone.

A while later Toki awoke to find himself alone in Nathan's room. He turned over in the bed to face me and let out an exhausted groan. "I hurt..." he whispered groggily, scratching his head. "Why ams I in here? Isn't this Nathan's rooms?"

_You stupid idiot. I bet you even have a hangover, don't you?_

"Gods, I got a reallys bad headache, you knows that?" he asked as he sat up and threw the covers off of his still naked frame.

_What are you going to do, walk around the house naked until you find your way?_

That was exactly what he planned to do; in a moment he had gotten all of his clothes and me and was walking out of the room totally naked. He was still halfway sleeping and very hungover, but this was still unacceptable behavior. Clearly he didn't see a problem with it, though, until he ran into a frantic Pickles, who had been running out of his room towards the kitchen. His red hair was wet and dripping and his bare feet made puddles on the cold stone floor—the idiot never bothered to dry off when he was done taking a shower, obviously. Upon seeing my Master standing totally naked in the hallway, he gasped and his eyes grew wide.

"T-Toki? I thought you were-"

"What happens last night? I wokes up in Nathans room, but-"

"Yeah," he said, nodding frantically. "you were with him."

Toki's face fell. "Oh. And yous was with..."

"Sk-I...uh, Skwisgaar, I was with Skwisgaar." he lied. Luckily for him, my Master was still not thinking clearly so he believed the drummer and proceeded to get very bitter about the situation.

"Well why was you with hims? Why not with me?"

"Why would I be with you?" he turned red and added, "You know we never talk about this stuff, Toki. It happened when we were drunk, so it ain't no big dea-"

"Not for you, because you wasn't gettings fucked by Nathans." Toki said curtly, rubbing his tired eyes. "He hurts mes."

"Then just don't fuck him."

He shrugged and said casually, "I have to fucks someones, and..." his voice trailed off and he paused a moment before observing, "I'm nakeds, aren't I?"

Pickles nodded, still staring at my Master's bare and muscular frame. "Yeah, you are."

"So this ams kind of awkward, huh?"

"Yep...you wanna, y'know, slip into your pants right quick?"

"What ams the point? I'm going to takes a shower anyways. Bye, Pickle." and he pushed past the drummer down the hallway. Before he went in his room he turned and called, "Heys, Pickle?"

"Yeah?"

"You likes fucking Skwisgaar?"

He hesitated before answering, "Sure, but there's someone who I'd like to make love to more."

"Huh." and he went into his room, his brain much too muddled to riddle out the drummer's words.

_Stupid boy, he doesn't want that idiotic Swede, he wants _you!

Toki just stared at me, stood in his doorway totally naked and still exposed, and finally confessed, "I don't gets him. He sees me naked, but still don't wants to fucks me? What ams I doing wrong?"

_Think back to last night very hard and you just might realize that he-_

"I'ms pretty, right?" he distractedly twisted some of his long, brown hair between his fingers and sighed in defeat. "Maybe I'm nots..."

_God, you're dumb if you think I'm going to agree and call you 'pretty'._

"Stupid Skwisgaar...I bet he knows I likes him..." and Toki's face burned as he asked me, "What ams you think he looks like naked?"

_Disgusting, just like you, now put some damn clothes on, stupid child!_

And to me at that moment my Master really did seem like the old six-year-old child he had been what I had met him. His eyes were that same pale blue they had always been and he was still boyish in his annoyingly addictive charm. I really did love him, but I didn't love it when he was stupid like this. He was like mine, my own, and he belonged to me just as much as I belonged to him. I didn't want to see him get hurt, I wanted him to be happy, and if Pickles, that stupid alcoholic was the only person who could make him happy, then I suppose that I'd have to bring them together one way or another.

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****A/N****

**Since these chapters are easy to type and don't take that much time and energy to edit, I'll probably post two a day. They're also pretty short, so yeah...I'm also excited to start my next fic, about the Apocalypse. Yes, it will be another Pickles/Toki slash. Yays. Anyways, hope you're enjoying this story and thanks for reviewing it.**

**Peace & Love**


	5. Experimentation II

"_To feel on the verge of an exorcism  
__a rite of passage  
__To wait, or seek manhood  
__enlightenment in a gun_

_To kill childhood, innocence  
__in an instant"_

_~~Poet: Jim Morrison__~~Book: Wilderness_

_**Experimentation II**_

More playing of the 'drunk' game lead to my Master falling prey to the stupid Swede's tricks. The next time they played the game, months had passed. Skwisgaar walked up to Toki and pressed a bottle of vodka to his lips. He leaned close to him and whispered, "Comes on, you ammnest thirsty, rights?"

"I...uh..."

"Drinks."

"Buts I-"

"_Drinks."_

And so he did. After emptying three bottles of straight vodka he was falling into Skwisgaar's arms. Of course everyone else was drinking as well. Pickles was the one who took the bottle away from my Master and said, "Dude, you've had enough."

He giggled drunkenly and his cheeks blushed as he let the drummer take his hand. "W-We ams—you going to fucks me?"

"Nope."

"Buts..."

"C'man, dude, let's just go up to your room." he went to take my Master away, but the Swede caught him and held him back.

"Heys, didlo, he ammnest _mines _tonight."

"He ain't nobody's; I ain't lettin' him drink as much as he did last time. He had a hangover."

He scoffed. "Sos what? Unless yous wants tos-"

"Pickle ams _mine, _Skwisgaar!" Toki challenged, leaning against the drummer heavily. "He ams mine and I'm going to lets him fucks me tonight—_all_ nights." he wrapped an arm around Pickles' waist and asked, his voice horribly slurred, "Right?"

"Yeah...uh...I mean no. Just come an." he took my master, scooped me up, and walked with us to our room. Once there he gently guided Toki over to his bed and laid him down. My Master was persistent, though; he wouldn't release the drummer. He just kept shaking his head and repeating drearily, "Nos, nos, nos...you leaves, you always leaves..."

"Ssh," he said softly, pulling the sheets over Toki and kissing his forehead. "S'okay."

"_Everyone _leaves!" he cried, covering his eyes with his hands and letting out a dry sob. He said again, sounding quite wretched, "They leaves, they always dos...don't leaves me Pickle, please..."

The drummer put me down next to my Master and smiled down at us two. He seemed oddly content now as he whispered, "S'okay, dude. I'm nat goin' anywhere."

Toki peered up at him, his cheeks turned rosy from all the alcohol he had carelessly consumed. "You won'ts?"

"Nah, never. Just go to sleep, okay?"

"J-Ja." he let his eyes close a little before asking, "Ams they let me get drunk again?"

Pickles nodded and delicately put some of my Master's hair behind his ears so that his eyes were better exposed. Clearly he did have an odd sort of love for my Master's eyes for some reason. "Yeah, but I'm nat gonna let you get sick because of it, okay?"

"And you ams not going to leave?"

"Nope."

"Goods, 'cause I—we can't fucks if you leaves..." he reached up, put a hand to the drummer's cheek, and purred, his breath smelling of vodka, "Fucks me now? You wants to, don't yous?"

"Y-Yeah," he admitted, swallowing and looking down. "but I can't."

"Whys not?"

" 'Cause I wanna fuck you while you're sober, dude. It's better that way for both of us—you'll actually remember it when you wake up." he grinned and kissed my Master lightly on the lips. "And I want you to remember the night I make you mine."

"Yours?"

"Yeah."

"Ams-wills I ever really be yours?"

The drummer nodded. "Yeah, one day."

"Whens?"

"Soon."

"Ohs." he fell back into the soft mattress and closed his eyes. "I wants to be yours, I wants you to own me."

"S'not like that. I won't own you, you'll own me; 'dat's how love works." Pickles stated, gently caressing Toki's cheek. "And I really do love you."

"But what ams i-"

And then Skwisgaar barged into the room and pointed at my Master. In one hand he held a full bottle of alcohol. "You fucks me tonights."

"Dude, leave him-"

"Nos, _you _leaves hims alone unless you wants me to tells him that you loves him."

The drummer rolled his eyes. "I already told him, dildo."

"Ja, Pickle loves me." Toki piped up, staring at the Swede with an unfocused gaze. "And I loves him back and one day he ams going to fucks me when I'm sober so I can be his."

Pickles blushed. "Yeah, that's enough, Toki."

"You ammnest _his?" _the Swede shook his head, went up to my Master, and pressed the freshly opened bottle to his lips, urging, "Drinks it for me." and Toki did; he let his eyes roll back into his skull and his mouth opened and accepted the alcohol. Pickles tried to make him stop, but couldn't.

"Leave him alone! If he don't wanna fuck you, then he don't have to!"

"Ammnest yous goings to fucks him?"

"No, but-"

And Skwisgaar removed the bottle from my Master's mouth and forced his lips against his, stuck his tongue down his throat. Toki gagged, shut his eyes, but accepted it, far too drunk and lost now to do anything in retaliation. Pickles' eyes grew wide with envy and hatred as he pushed the Swede away from my Master. "Fuck aff, you stupid, selfish-"

"Gets out you unless you wants to see me _fucks _him." Skwisgaar whispered, his deep blue eyes ablaze with hunger for my Master. The way he said it made me want to kill him. It was so demeaning, as though my Master was his slave. I couldn't stand it and apparently Pickles couldn't either. He gave Toki one last glance, went to touch his cheek, but the Swede pushed him away.

"Dos what ammnest best for Tokis." he urged. "Leaves us be."

"How is 'dat best for him?"

Skwisgaar grinned evilly and took a sip of the alcohol. "The quicker you gets out, the easier for hims it will be, the less painfuls for him it wills be."

The drummer's eyes filled with hopeless tears because he knew he couldn't protect my Master from what was coming; he snatched me up, hugged me tight, and walked out of the room. Just as he closed the door I watched Skwisgaar chuckle and kiss my Master again, grope him roughly. Toki pulled away and said, his head swimming, "Ows...Skwisgaar, you ams hurtings me."

"Ja, well get used to it, because tonight you ams mine, and I'm so damns horny..."

"Sos what? You don't haves to hurts me."

Skwisgaar just laughed in response and began undressing. My Master's face paled and he watched as Pickles and I walked out of the room. "Wait!" he called. "Pickle! You saids, you _promised _me you wouldn'ts leave! Pickle, please!" and the door closed. Thru the thin wood of the door, I heard the Swede laugh and my Master begin to sob.

"He lies to you, Toki. He said he wanted me to fucks you tonight. He said he wanted to leaves you alone..."

"He promised, he promised..."

Once outside, the drummer let out a yell of rage and threw me against the wall, punched at anything he could. "Fuck!" he howled, letting out a stifled sob. "That dildo! Why did I let him...I _promised, _I fuckin' promised..."

_Stupid idiot. What the hell is wrong with you?_

"I don't know!" he said. This utterly surprised me; other than my Master, no other human had ever understood my thoughts, but this man seemed to be able to. This shocked me enough to remain silent and let the drummer continue. "He...does he really love me? I don't get it..."

_Yes, he loves you._

And he went over to where I was laying and picked me up, gingerly petted one of my ears, and wiped some tears from his eyes. "You know him better 'dan anybody, don't you?"

_Certainly better than you; I don't lie to him like you do._

" 'Cause I love him so much..."

_Then go back in there and kick that stupid Swede's a-  
_

"You wanna sleep with me tonight?" he asked, pressing his tear-streaked cheek into my soft fur. "I can't be alone tonight...I fell so damn bad..."

_Then go back in there and do something about it, you damn idiot!_

Why were people so dumb? They acted like love—along with every other human emotion—was complicated, but it wasn't. Didn't they understand that when things became this bad, this dishonest, there was nothing to lose? Didn't they understand that instead of prolonging the pain they might as well just come out and say those feared words, 'I love you'? Obviously Pickles didn't, because in a moment he was stalking moodily back to his room, muttering to himself; I almost thought that he'd keep me up all night talking like Toki did, but before we could reach his bedroom door, Nathan found us.

I don't know how it happened exactly—the more time I spent in the confines of the Mordhaus, the more I began to expect that I didn't know much about how _anything _happened—but Pickles ended up in the singer's arms, whispering things in his ear. Nathan accepted this attention, drank some more, and welcomed us into his room. I was thrown carelessly onto the cold floor and once again left to watch the love making. Pickles, I discovered, wasn't just tender with my master; it was like a natural, kind instinct of his, one that Nathan detested very much. He rejected the drummer's sweet love and opted for just a few minutes of hot sex. When it was over, Pickles was hugging me to his bare, sweating chest and turning away from the singer, his face red.

"Why did I just do 'dat?" he whispered in my ear, careful so that Nathan wouldn't hear him.

_Maybe now you know how Toki feels._

He curled into a tight ball under the sheets and shut his eyes tightly. "Gad, Nathan _does _hurt..."

_What, you thought Toki lied about it? _

"He could've been nicer about it."

_And you could have stayed with my Master, but you didn't; you hurt him, just like everyone else. I kind of hate you now, almost as much as I hate that stupid man who you're laying next to._

Pickles did something I never would have expected him to do, then. He kissed the top of my head, hugged me, then turned over and tried to drape an arm over Nathan's broad shoulders, attempted to get some kind of affection. He was turned away with a sharp, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"I dunno, dude. I just-"

"God, what the hell is it with you and Toki?"

The drummer's face blushed as he inquired, "What d'you mean what's up with us?"

"You and him always have this weird thing—you always want to _touch _me after we fuck. Just piss off, already. I don't _want _to touch you!"

He rolled over to face me and I saw shame and humiliation in his eyes. "Gad," he whispered to me, his breath warm and smelling of alcohol. "I really wish Toki was here."

Sometime later he fell asleep, still hugging me tight. When the morning light penetrated the curtains of the room, the door opened and my Master came inside, but was taken aback by what he saw. "P-Pickle?" he blurted, his eyes growing wide.

The drummer frowned and opened his sleepy eyes. "Huh? Oh...Toki..." immediately he recognized the problem and sat up, shaking his head, trying to assure him that nothing was wrong. "I messed up..."

My Master clearly didn't know what he meant; he only seemed to have interest in me now. He came over, snatched me out of the drummer's arms, and hissed, "I wants my bear. Why did you takes him? I didn't says you could." he glanced over at Nathan, who was still sleeping—the man was the hardest sleeper I'd ever seen. "Fucks you." he said to Pickles before turning to leave. The drummer grabbed his arm and held him back, though.

"Wait, I didn't...why are you bein' like this? I don't-"

He looked away, his cheeks blazing as the sheets fell off of Pickles and showed more of his nakedness. "Covers yourself up; you ams so stupid."

"What did I do?"

He swallowed down his tears and said coldly, "You brakes your promise, you left. Everyone always leaves once they ams done with me, but I thought you wouldn't. I trusted you ands...ands..." he paused, tried to get rid of the mounting anger and sadness that was threatening to overtake him. Finally he managed to say, "...I still waks up alone."

"I was gonna be there!"

"Fucks you." and he walked out of the room and slammed the door. Pickles didn't hesitate to rise up out of the bed, quickly put his jeans on, then follow us down the hall, trying to explain his pitiful self. "Leaves me alone!" my Master howled, pushing him away. "I don't wants to talks to you!"

"Why nat? What did I do? You were doin' the exact same thing with-"

"I just really don't think I should be arounds you right now, okay?" Toki cried, going into his room and locking the door. I discovered the Skwisgaar was still laying in my Master's bed, totally naked and exposed to the golden light of morning. So Toki had lied when he said he had woken up alone? My Master went over to him and fell into his arms, sobbing. The Swede let out a tried groan and patted him gently on the shoulder.

"What ammnest wrong, Tokis? Why you wakes me up with the yelling and slamming doors, huh?"

"N-Nothings." he said, burying his face in Skwisgaar's mass of blond hair. "I just needs someone."

"Then talks to your stupid bear or somethings," he said, rising up out of the bed and sighing tiredly. "because now I ams too tired to put up withs you."

_I knew there was a reason I hated you._

The Swede stretched his slender frame. I could count the number of ribs he had exposed—he was almost disgustingly skinny—as he reached down and picked up his pants. "Unless you wants me to fucks you again, then-"

"Please don'ts leave!" Toki pleaded, letting his head fall into his hands.

"I haves to! I wants to takes a shower!"

"But I..."

Skwisgaar let out a frustrated breath and put some of his hair behind his ears before pulling his shirt up over his head. "Okays, look, if it will makes you feels better, then I'll take you outs tonight, alright?"

Toki looked up at him, his pale eyes shining with excitement. "Reallys?"

He shrugged. "Sure, if it wills make you shut the fuck up."

"Wheres?"

"Anywheres, juts as long as you shuts up about it." and he exited the room, looking extremely irritated. Once he had left, my Master picked me up and laid me on the messy bedsheets.

"You hears that? I'm going on a date, a reals date!" and he glanced back over at the door and smiled mischievously. "I wonder what Pickle will thinks..."

_Nothing much, probably. I've noticed that he's not the best when it comes to actually 'thinking' of things._

In a few more minutes he was in the shower, thinking thoughts that not even I want to know. That's when Pickles burst thru the door, looking around wildly. He took one glace at me and demanded in aggravation, "Can you believe 'dat? Skwisgaar and Toki goin' out? _My _Toki?"

_Technically he's _mine, _but yes, I do see your point—it's quite disgusting._

"That idiot don't deserve him!"

_Maybe you're not as dumb as I thought..._

"You understand, don't you?"

_Unfortunately yes, I do._

And he looked around the room and let out a sigh of defeat. "Toki ain't here, is he? I wanted to talk to him..."

_And you expect a teddy bear to talk back to you? God, you people really are stupid._

"If he ain't here, then where is he?"

_The BATHROOM, idiot!_

Just as he went to exit the room, Toki's voice came thru the bathroom door; he was singing. God, how embarrassed I was for him, but Pickles didn't seem to care much about anything else other than talking. It truly was sick how brightly his eyes lit up as he hurried to the door and swung it wide open. There were many odd things about humans that I don't understand. One was how they acted in general, and another was what compelled them to do the things they did without thinking them thru. Maybe if he would've paused and realized just what that room was—a _bathroom—_he might not have barged in like that. In a moment my master was yelling, throwing towels, and trying to get him out.

"Pickle, what the fucks ams you doing?"

"I'm sorry, I just wanted-"

"I _don't care! _Gets out!"

"I'm sorry!"

"_NOW!"_

"But how can you go out with Skwisgaar? He's the biggest pervert in the whole damn band!"

My Master cursed in Norwegian and in a moment he was screaming again, sounding desperate and humiliated. _"He _ams the pervert? You ams the one who won't get outs of my bathroom!"

"So what? Whadda want me to-"

"Sos what? I'm _naked, _Pickle!"

"How the fuck was I supposed to know 'dat you were-"

"That I woulds be naked? It ams a bathroom, Pickle! Who the fuck goes intos a bathroom without knocking? Gets out!" and he pushed the drummer out of the room and then slammed the door. I didn't see any of this, only heard them yelling, but I still wish I could smile or even laugh. It would be a blessing at times like these.

The drummer just opened the door again and said one last time, "Wait, hold up—here's the good news...I'm sorry."

More Norwegian yelling then, "Gods damns it, close the door! I'm in the showers!"

"But-"

And my Master slammed the door in Pickles' face once again. The drummer stood there for a moment before turning to me and saying cluelessly, "I don't get that dude."

_Normally people don't like other people barging into their bathrooms while they're in the shower; there isn't much to get._

"Does he hate me?"

_No, unfortunately he loves you. I don't know why, but he does._

Pickles scratched his head in confusion and frowned. "I don't get anything anymore."

_No, apparently you don't._


	6. Jealousy

_**Jealousy**_

My Master went out with Skwisgaar once and that opened up a whole new, strange world. Pickles couldn't stand it; he'd rave to me in private—perhaps thinking that I was a person who was actually listening to him—and exclaim, " 'Dis is so stupid! How could he go out with _him? _What's so great about that stupid idiot! For Gad's sake, he's _blond!"_

_Yes, and you're a redhead, a stupid, ignorant redhead._

"Seriously, why him and nat me?"

_Maybe it's your voice...it gets very annoying and squeaky after a while..._

Pickles glared down at me and spat angrily, "Is it 'cause I'm older than him? Huh? 'Cause I ain't that much older than him, only thirty-one..."

_Thirty-one? _I couldn't believe it. _Toki is only twenty-two! You can't go out with him, it would be disgusting.  
_

"I don't get it. Is it 'cause I drink so much?"

_No, but you could try drinking LESS if you really wanted. _

He collapsed onto the sofa and let out a sigh of defeat. "Gad, I wish he'd just ask me out."

_Why don't you ask _him _out, you idiot. He'd say yes without a second thought._

"What should I do? You know him good, don't you?" The drummer turned his emerald gaze to me and let his head rest on his palm. "Tell me what he wants."

_He wants you, you stupid, drunk-_

"Maybe I should get him something, like a present." Pickles scratched his chin in thought and nodded. "Yeah, I should do 'dat, huh? What do you think he likes..." he paused, thought, then wondered aloud, "He likes guitars, right? Uh...what else?"

_Lets think really hard about what a twenty-two-year-old gay guy likes...dic-_

"What should I do?" he cried, covering his eyes dramatically with his hands and letting out a frustrated groan.

_Since only thing he really wants is you, you could just go ahead and fuck him._

But apparently Pickles couldn't understand me as well as I thought; he ignored my thoughts and bought Toki a—are you really ready to hear this madness?-a giant, stuffed, fluffy panda bear. The stupid stuffed animal was much like myself, only it was twice my size and, in my opinion, I just happened to be _better. _Anyways, he presented the present to my Master while he was occupied with Skwisgaar. "Okay, here!" he said in agitation as he threw the bear at Toki. "I gat you a Gad damn present, so there! I hope you're happy!"

He glanced down at the giant stuffed animal and smiled a little. "Thanks, Pickle, but whys would you-"

"I don't know what the fuck to do, okay?"

Toki arched a brow. "It ams okay, I was just wantings to know why you woulds-"

"You hate me now, right?" Pickles cried, throwing his hands up into the air in defeat. "Great, really great! I hope you're happy, dude!" and he stormed out of the room. My Master watched him go, a concerned look upon his face as he picked up the giant panda bear.

He peered over at me and wondered, "What ams wrong with him?"

_Don't ask me._

He smiled at Skwisgaar. "Pickle sure ams been acting weird, huh?"

The Swede chuckled awkwardly. "Uh...ja, right. You knows what, maybe I should talks to Pickle—_alones."_

_Oh, crap._

Toki shrugged and got up out of the Swede's lap. "Okays, sure. You wants me to get him for you?"

"Ja, that would be great." could my Master not sense the suppressed hostility in his tone? No, he couldn't; he was a childish boy, because in a moment he had given Skwisgaar a kiss on the lips and was walking out the room. I began to worry.

My discomfort was magnified as Pickles entered the room, looking gloomy and sulky. He took one look at the Swede and rolled his eyes. "What do _you _want?"

"To talks about-"

"We don't need t'talk about nothin', dildo."

"No, I thinks we do." he motioned to the seat next to him and said warmly, "Sits."

The drummer obeyed his request and sat down. Skwisgaar watched his every movement with a sort of odd, hungry gleam in his eyes before saying tactfully, "Why did you gets Toki—_mys _Toki—that present?"

"I dunno."

"Ja, I thinks you do." slowly Skwisgaar scooted a little closer to the drummer; a devious smile grew on his face as he purred, "I don't likes it when people who aren't me fucks with him."

"Well too bad."

"You wants him?"

"N-No." A horrible lie.

The Swede laughed. "Wow, you ammnest dumb. Can't you see the real reason why we ams even going out to begin with?" when Pickles just looked away and remained silent, he continued. "He loves you, you idiots, and I love to fucks him. When he don't get fucked by yous, he comes to mes; it ammnest that simple. There isn't any great secrets to our relas-konship or anythings, just that he wants what he can't haves and I get sex. You see, it ammnest not a big deal."

The drummer blushed deeply. "Why are you tellin' me all that crap?"

"Because sex ams fun, but I loves to see you squirm." and just like that, he was on top of Pickles, pressing his lips to his and touching him. "Ja, I loves it," he breathed, pulling away.

"Go fuck yourself." Pickles spat, pushing him away.

"I don't haves to—I gots Toki for that now."

"Get aff of me!" he hissed, pushing the Swede away from him. "Why are you kissin' me? What the hell is wrong with you?"

Skwisgaar shrugged and sat back in his seat. "I likes to fuck, you knows 'dat."

"With me?"

"Sures, if you want."

"So that's what all this about, the sex?"

He nodded. "Ja, prettys much."

Pickles shook his head and rose from his seat. "I can't believe 'dis...I can't believe that he would chose you—_this-_over me! Fuck that, I'm goin' find him right now..." and he waked out of the room, but not before grabbing me and taking me with him. "And I'm bringing him his stupid bear, too."

Skwisgaar chuckled. "Oh, wow, you ammnest a bad ass."

"Fuck you!" he slammed the door on his way out and then whispered to me, "What the hell is wrong with this place? Everything's all weird now...we should've never gotten drunk to start with, it only makes things worse..."

_Now you get it, don't you?_

"Where do you think Toki is?"

_Not far—in his room, maybe._

That he understood; he took me to my Master's room and knocked on the door. Toki's called, "Comes in!"

"You sure? You're nat naked, are you?"

"No, nots this time...unless you wants me to be?"

"I...uh..." the drummer scratched his head cluelessly and asked me, "What does 'dat mean?"

_That he wants you to fuck him, you idiot! How hard is it for you to understand the human language?_

"I don't know..." he said, his voice trailing off as he opened the door. Toki was laying on his bed, flipping thru the channels on his T.V. When he saw Pickles standing there, his whole face lit up and he grinned.

"Comes in, hurrys up!"

"I brought you your bear, dude." he said, throwing me over to my Master. "You forgot him."

"I didn't forgets; I never forgets him." and he hugged me to him. I could sense how excited he was that the drummer was here talking to him, that they were alone. I wished dearly that I could roll my eyes at this.

_Stupid child, he won't do anything to you. I thought he already made that clear._

"Toki, listen, I-"

"Thanks for the presents, but I think it made Skwisgaar mad."

"Fuck him." he said, going over and taking a seat next to Toki on the bed. "I don't care what he thinks, I only care what you think."

"Oh. Okays, I guess." he put some of his hair behind his ears and inquired, "So why ams you here? You wants to talk?"

"Yeah, I—listen, I...we should..." Pickles shut his eyes and ran a nervous hand thru his hair. "Could you just nat look at me while I say this?"

Toki frowned and his pale eyes flitted down to the floor. "Sures, but why can't I looks at you?"

" 'Cause you make me nervous!"

"Okays..."

The drummer took a deep breath and mumbled in a nearly inaudible voice, "Tokidoyouwannagooutwithme?" he said it quickly, and although it was clear that my Master hadn't heard him, as soon as the words left his mouth he was shaking his head and saying, "Never mind, it was stupid, it was-"

"Pickle?"

He turned to him, his face totally red. "Y-Yeah?"

"What the fucks did you just say?" Toki was smiling, biting his lip shyly. He held me so tightly to him that I could hear his racing heartbeat beneath his shirt.

_Dear Lord, please don't let him actually ask the child out..._

"Toki, you wanna go out with me, or what?"

He nodded and jumped into the drummer's arms. "Ja, sures I do! Why didn't you just says that before?"

"I..." he shrugged and hugged my Master. "I dunno."

"Where are we goings to go?"

"Anywhere."

"What ams we going to do?"

Pickles thought for a moment before answering, "Anything, I guess."

"When do we leaves?"

"Right now?"

Toki frowned and looked up at him. "Pickle, we can't leaves _now!"_

"Well why the hell nat?" he asked, placing a hand on the small of my Master's back and grinning. "Who's gonna stop us?"

And so without further hesitation, Toki threw me onto his bed and hurried out of the room with with the drummer. When they came back it was late at night, maybe early the next morning. My Master opened up his door, lead Pickles inside, and hurried to take off his own shirt. "Sos we can fucks now?"

"I...jeez, dude..." he swallowed and tried not to look at the other man's defined muscles. "I...I...can't..."

"What? Whys not?" Toki pouted, throwing his shirt down to the floor; he urged Pickles down onto the bed, climbed on top of him, and kissed him deeply. "You don't wants to?"

"Well yeah, but-"

"You said whenever I wasn't drunk that we coulds dos it."

"This just ain't the right time." he said, urging my Master off of him. Before rising to his feet, he kissed Toki on the lips, brushed his hand against his cheek, and whispered, "G'night, okay?"

He glared down at the floor and mumbled, "Ja, goodnights."

"Some other time, okay?"

"But this ams a good time!"

"Nat good for me. Just give me a little while, 'kay?"

He nodded and kissed the drummer's cheek. "Whatevers. I don't gets you, but fine. Laters."

"Good. See you tomorrow?"

"Ja."

And Pickles walked out the room, just like that. It amazed me how simply he did it, how he didn't allow his willpower to fail. Still, I could tell that he really did _want _to do it—the problem wasn't that he didn't have the desire—but he just, for some reason, wanted to wait for something. What something, though? I had no clue, so I allowed my Master to pick me up, kiss my nose, and clutch me tightly.

"Cans you believe it? He really likes me!"

_Yes, child, that's quite obvious._

"He even kissed me goodnight!"

This was beginning to get a bit annoying. _I know, I just saw; I was here._

"And we went to a movie and he payed for me to eats and..."

_God, can't you tell when someone just doesn't care?_

"...and he held my hand and stuffs..."

_That's quite disgusting. _

"He ams really good, huh?"

I couldn't deny this; it seemed as though Pickles—as much as I might hate to admit it—was good for my Master. Clearly he he loved him and cherished him and...thinking about it made me despair. Why couldn't my Master be normal? Why did he have to be so dreadfully _different? _What would the others say if they found out about him and the drummer? Could they kick him out of the band and send us back home to face the wrath of That Man? I looked into my Master's pale, shining eyes, tried to get him to understand all of these things, and was struck with the odd realization that he already had considered these things. He was choosing to go out with Pickles even though he knew it could ruin his life forever? That was something I'd never understand, not for the life of me.

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****A/N****

**Yes, I will be doing quite a bit of updating today, because I'm pretty much busy for the rest of my weekend. Sunday I will be forced into driving 2 hrs. to visit family who I really don't know and don't like that much—they want to roast a God damn pig. [-_-] On Monday I have an illustrating job that I have to take care of that might just ensure me for the rest of my life and provide me with an income, so naturally I can't blow that off. And then there's a dentist appointment...fuck my life, God damn it! Anyways, enough rambling. The point is that there's only one or two more chapters left. Reviews are appreciated and thank you to those who have already reviewed. You keep me going. ^_^**

**Peace & Love**


	7. Vegas Wedding

"_night of sin (The Fall)  
__-1st sex, a feeling of having  
__done this same act in time before  
__O No, not again"_

_~~Poet: Jim Morrison~~Book: Wilderness~~_

_**Vegas Wedding**_

Weeks later: talk of marriage, family, how can we have a family?, and more kisses. There was no sex, though. Pickles kept his right time, right place promise, and my Master fell for his annoyingly tender charm. The drummer treated my Master like he was made of glass and could break or be cracked at any moment—he tried to protect him from the world. I say tried, because no matter how much he watched over my Master, he couldn't keep him away from himself and his own self-destructive habits. Around the sixth month of their relationship, I began to notice the drugs. Cocaine, meth, speed, crack, pot, so much more, all out in the open in my Master's room.

White powder littered his nightstand, and they cut it in neat lines. They always acted ridiculous when they sniffed it or smoked; it really did make me want to laugh, but a greater part of me also began to worry. Toki was sinking into somewhere, some deep oblivion of addiction, and I couldn't do anything about it. A time came where he desired the drugs so much that he was actually begging Pickles to let him have some. Of course the drummer did, and they would get high. Did I say that there was no sex? In the beginning there wasn't, but when you were as high as those two, it didn't matter. Promises were forgotten and so was the 'drunk' game. The new game was much worse.

One night, Pickles pulled Toki down on top of him after sniffing up a fine line of cocaine. His voice was hard to understand, slurred—he always drank, no matter what—but somehow my Master heard him clearly. "Toki, y'gat—we'gatta..." he sighed and chuckled to himself. "Y'know what's awesome?"

"I...I thinks I might be—maybe I ams now high..." next to him I sat, watching them with my button-eyes.

_Yes, you are. Good job._

"I thinks...maybes..."

"Y'ever had sex when you was high?" Pickles asked, his hands sneaking up Toki's shirt. " 'Cause I—_Snakes 'n Barells..._Tony shot heroin up his balls a lot and I gat high and we used to—Gad, the sex was _so _damn good..."

My Master laughed highly and kissed the drummer, ran his tongue along the inside of his mouth, and purred erotically, "So we cans fuck now?"

He nodded and slurred, drinking some more alcohol, "We—you gatta lemme...we should fuck, yeah. And y'know what else?"

"Huh?"

"You should sniff 'dis right quick." he motioned over to the nightstand, to where the white powdered lines were. " 'Cuase you ain't high enough yet...when we're done, you should—we..." he swallowed and let his eyes close as Toki leaned over and sniffed up the cocaine. "Looooooooove you, dude."

And so they fucked and when it was over and my Master was panting, laying in his bed; Pickles drank some more then muttered, "That was good, huh?"

He nodded, his mind swimming and his eyes unfocused. "Uh-huh."

"Hey, y'know what we should do now?"

"Uh?"

"Y'wanna get married?" and at the disbelief on my Master's face, he added, "We should—dude, we should totally _do it! _Right now, just drive to Vegas an'...c'man, you wanna go?"

And just like that, they stumbled out of the room, took Ofdensen's car, and drove off. Of course Toki took me with him, along with some drugs. We drove until the sun peeked up over hills; golden rays of light revealed a crowded street, bordered by tall buildings with flashing neon signs. What were they doing here? Pickles took Toki's hand and kissed it. They were both slightly more aware of themselves now, so as soon as they parked the car they sniffed up a few more lines of cocaine and the drummer smoked a little pot.

"You want a ring? 'Cause I c'go buy one." he let out a breath of smoke and coughed a little.

Toki rested his head on Pickles' lap and muttered, "Nu-uh." he was staring up at the sky, an emotionless look on his face. "Mores coke?"

"Yeah, sure." he cut another line on the dashboard and my Master sat up, pressed his nose into it, and eagerly inhaled. When he was done the white powder coated his nose. Pickles wiped it off and shakily pressed the joint to his lips, inhaled, and sighed. Plumes of smoke came out thru his nostrils and his mouth, but he didn't care. He just motioned to me and laughed. "You brought your bear?"

He nodded. "Uh-huh."

"Why?"

He shrugged and said numbly, his pale eyes wide and glistening in the new light of day, "I don'ts know."

"Oh." a slight pause, another drag, and, "So you wanna go get married now?"

My Master didn't take me with him into the building where they were to get married, but a little while later they were climbing into the car again. Pickles drove past all the buildings of the city that overwhelmed me so and out into the desert that surrounded the place called 'Las Vegas'; he put the vehicle in park. Once again things happened that I really don't feel like remembering. There was nakedness, moaning, and release, like always. When it was over, Toki was groveling for more drugs—he got them and let his high run its course. The next morning he was awoken by Pickles' cursing. The drummer was looking around cluelessly, a fearful look in his green eyes.

"Where the hell are we?"

"I don'ts..." my Master shrugged and sat up, not realizing that he was still completely naked. Pickles hurried to throw his shirt over my Master's legs.

"Don't get out, you're naked!"

"So ams you!"

"And there's..." Pickles stared at Toki oddly, reached forward, and ran a hand thru his long, brown hair. A disgusted look came over his face as he said, staring a creamy whiteness that now covered his fingers, "...dude, there's cum in your hair."

"What?" he asked tiredly, scratching his head. His fingers came out with the white stuff on them as well, and he gasped. Fear filled his eyes as he tried to wipe the stuff out. "Why ams there cum in my hair? Gets it out, that ams _disgusting!"_

"Crap..." the drummer looked around, out at the desert, and swallowed nervously. "what the fuck happened last night?"

"I don't knows!" he was sobbing, his hands covered in cold, sticky whiteness. "And why ams it in my hair?"

I wanted so badly to laugh at them, but couldn't. I watched as Pickles opened the car door and stumbled out into the open, fully exposed. Didn't he realize that he was naked? Toki did, and in an instant he was hurrying to throw Pickles a pair of pants.

"Why ams we naked?"

"Why do you think?" he asked, sighing. "What can two grown people possibly do when they're naked?"

Toki's face paled as he began digging on the floor of the car. "Fucks this, I needs to get high agains." but the drummer's hand shot out and stopped him.

"No, you don't. Don't you get it? 'Dat's the problem! We can't keep doin' this, we can't keep-"

"Pickle, why ams we in this place? What ams Las Vegas?"

"I...I think we gat married last night." and he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and cursed under his breath. "Fuck, I can't believe..."

"You...and you fucks me?" Toki asked, sounding quite hurt. "Whiles I was high? Why would you dos that? I didn't think you woulds do that to me."

"I'm sorry!" he exclaimed in annoyance. "Gad, I think I got a hangover; don't yell as much, please. First aff, I was high too, so I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't wanna take advantage of you or—you know what? We're here in Vegas, we're married, and our manager's car is full of drugs, so what are we gonna do?"

My Master shrugged. "I don't knows."

He indicated the clear bag full of cocaine they had on the dashboard and said seriously, "You wanna see how much I love you? Fine. Look, I've gat all I need right here."

"What ams you mean?"

"_You're _all I need, idiot."

_How wonderfully disgusting this 'love' business is turning out to be._

When Toki still appeared confused, Pickles snatched up the bag, got out of the car totally naked, and scattered it out in the burnt desert and brush. My Master watched, his eyes growing into wide, glowing blue discs of desperation. He jumped out of the car and fell to his knees in the sandy dirt, sniffing up the desert ground and sobbing.

"Why the hell woulds yous do that?"

"Because you're pitiful! We both are, look at us, grovelin' around in the fuckin' dirt! It's pathetic! I don't wanna see you like this, okay? Get up, c'mon." he helped Toki to his feet and hugged him. What an absurd sight this was, two naked men hugging in the desert of Vegas, totally cut off from the rest of the world—the busy highway that had take them to the neon city was miles away. They were far away from the road, completely alienated from everything, and somehow they found comfort in this.

And still Pickles behaved in an almost adolescent-like awkwardness around my Master; he loosely held him, as if he were afraid to really touch him like he wanted. Toki smiled at him. "What ams wrong?"

"Whadda mean what's wrong?"

"You ams not hugging me right."

"Well how should I do it, then?"

"Likes this, stupid." Pickles blushed at his insult and let my Master guide his hands to where they needed to be. Once that was done, my Master said kindly, "See? It ams not that hard to do." he touched the drummer's cheek lightly. "Why ams you turning red?"

He looked away, smiled timidly, and admitted, "You still make me nervous, dude."

"Whys?"

"Well..." he laughed childishly and whispered, like it was some grand secret, "...you're _naked."_

Toki's face paled as he looked down. He looked around nervously, as if fearing that someone else was around to see him. "I forgots about that."

"I'm glad you did." Pickles said, kissing my Master's forehead.

Together they dumped out all the other drugs that were in the car and left them in the desert. For hours they just sat there baking in the warm, comforting early morning sun, talking. There were no more apologies—after saying, 'I'm sorry' about a hundred times in a row, your meaning begins to sink in. Instead they just laid there exposed for each other, not knowing that they were still in the real world and that there were four people still waiting for them back home.


	8. Married Again

_**Married Again**_

Eventually they came home to face the rest of the world. The news of their Vegas wedding was something that was hidden from the fans, the media, and the Klokateers. Skwisgaar accepted it and returned to screwing groupies; Nathan hated it, thought it the most un-brutal thing in the world, but also knew there was nothing in the world he could do to change it; Murderface gave them much grief for it; Ofdensen just tried to accept it and move on.

They planned to get remarried with an actual ceremony and when that day came my Mater saved me a seat in the front row, so that I was right there able to seem them in their suits and everything. I was still disgusted by his choice in a partner, but what could I do? He was happy, and that was good enough for me. I listened to the vows. Do you promise to have, hold, cherish, honor and remain loyal to your..._partner _for as long as you both shall live? And, of course, Pickles had to make everything worse by adding in, "And I swear to Gad that I won't cum in your hair ever again."

_Oh God, please tell me he didn't say that!_

Toki blushed and glanced over at the crowd of people watching them; everyone in the Mordhaus had shown up for the wedding—Ofdenesen made them have it at the house for fear of a media circus. They all shifted uncomfortably in their seats upon hearing the drummer's words. My Master just took Pickles' hands in his own and whispered, "Hey, you knows what?"

"Yeah?"

"You told me sorrys a hundred times—it ams fine. Please lets it go."

"But-"

"I really don't like talkings about it..." and he put some of his hair behind his ears and added timidly, "...and you makes me nervous."

_Just kiss him already. I'm tired of waiting!_

Pickles chuckled, leaned forward, and kissed him. Once it was over, Skwisgaar stood up and blurted, "Where ammnest the part comes when I can say I don't wants you two to gets married?"

The drummer glared over at him and called, "I payed the dude—preacher guy—to nat include that part in the whole...y'know, thing."

Toki smiled. "Ams that even legal?"

He shrugged. "I dunno, prob'ly nat, but who cares?"

At the after party there was champagne and cake; I watched as Ofdensen approached my Master and Pickles and asked in an undertone, "How much did you pay that man to marry you and Toki? Is gay marriage even legal where we live?"

Pickles thought for a moment before grinning and admitting, "It _wasn't _legal, but it all depends on how much you think it's worth."

"And how much did you think it was worth?"

His smile faded slightly. "Don't freak out or anything, but I..." he scratched his head awkwardly and mumbled, "Just give the dude a check for—let's say—fourteen-billion dollars and we'll call it even, 'kay?"

"Fourteen-bill-"

"Pickle, what the hells?" Toki rolled his eyes. "You payed that much to gets that man to marry us?"

"Yep."

"But we was already married to begins with!"

"Yeah, and now everyone knows it." he kissed the guitarist on the cheek and announced, "Okay, so before we split, who wants to say somethin' good about me and Toki?"

Skwisgaar glared over at him. "You ammnest leavings already? We just opened up some more booze!"

"We gat..." he paused, cleared his throat, and blushed. "Y'know, _stuff _t'do."

Nathan shuttered and said, "There's no way that you two are going to stay together. Are you guys still both doing that binge-drinking and getting high thing? Is that what this was about?"

Pickles narrowed his eyes at the singer. "So you don't think we should be together? Wow. Okay, does anyone have something _good _to say about us?"

A long silence followed his words. Finally Murderface said, "Sho you're really married now? That'sh really gay."

"I Sweden when there was a kid who was gays, we would throw him out in the middle of a snowstorms and let him die alones and miserable." Skwisgaar commented, crossing his arms across his chest.

"In Norway we would just ties up the gay guy in the middle of the towns and throw stuff at him untils he died." my Master said in an oddly casual voice.

Murderface laughed openly at this, pointed at him, and blurted, "Yeah, well I think they missed one—or _two."_

Pickles glared at him and yelled in annoyance, "Okay, so does anyone wanna say something good about the two of us?"

More silence then Nathan said quietly, "You two do kinda...I don't know...look good together, I guess."

The drummer smiled proudly and reached for my Master's hand. "Thank you."

They retreated upstairs to their own room as soon as they could. Before they left, though, I heard Skwisgaar yell after them, "Don't be too louds, 'cause I wants to sleep tonight!"

"Shut up!" Pickles retorted as he lead Toki up the stairs to their room. My Master held me close to him as he walked, and I saw that his eyes were full of an astonishing excitement that I'd never seen before.

"We gets our own room now?"

"Course we do. We're _married."_

Clearly he liked the way that sounded, because he would say it many more times before the night was over. I was just dragged up to that room, though I much would have preferred to remain downstairs and not witness their wedding night.I suppose by anyone's standards it was beautiful and nice. Of course it was slow—lasted for _much _longer than I would have liked—but Pickles was oddly gentle and smart. He didn't rush anything, just coaxed my Master into the sex. I guess it must've been good, but it still sickened me to see it all. I was proud of Toki, though, because it seemed as though he'd finally gotten someone to treat him like he needed to be treated. The drummer was soft, kind, and inviting in his kisses, amazingly loving and affectionate. I didn't know that humans could love like that.

I went to sleep, despite their sounds of longing and of sex, and awoke late the next morning. The golden sun cast long shadows thru the window and shined upon my Master. Toki was laying on top of Pickles, sleeping soundly and securely in his arms. The drummer was just staring out the window, watching the sun come up, and running a lazy hand thru my Master's curtain of brown hair.

_How odd...is this love? Maybe it's not that disgusting after all...maybe it's almost-_

Pickles ran a hand down the bare skin of my Master's back; in the yellow light of the sun I could make out faint goosebumps rising on Toki's skin as the other man touched him. He shivered and snuggled closer to the drummer, let out a little, tired moan. "Y'know the bad part about that whole wedding thing?" the drummer asked as he yawned. He sounded abstract, as if he were speaking offhandedly.

"Huh?" he was so tired, so worn out still from last night.

"The stupid cake—it was too sweet and stuff."

"Oh. Sorrys about that." he mumbled, letting his eyes drift closed again. "Sorrys abouts a lot of things."

"Like what?"

"Skwisgaar and Nathans and that time I-"

"Hey, dude, forget it already." he grinned and said almost unbelievably, "I mean, we're married now, man. _Married. _Can you believe that?"

"Can we haves a kid together?"

He laughed and looked down at my Master. "What? Have a kid? Toki, we're guys, so we really can't have a kid together...'dat's impossib-"

"Adopts?"

The amused look on the drummer's face faded slightly as he considered this. "Yeah," he said thoughtfully, "maybe we could, I guess."


	9. New Beginnings

"_Laughter will not end  
__her funny feeling  
__or assuage our  
__strange desire  
__Children will be born"_

_~~Poet: Jim Morrison~~Poem: Hope Is Just...~~Book: The American Night~~_

_**New Beginnings**_

Now, a couple of years later, it is dark and the stars are shining thru my Master's open bedroom window. I'm not in his arms anymore, no, not being securely hugged by him. Instead I'm looking up from a barred crib as he rocks a child in his arms and yawns. Behind him Pickles is laying in the bed, staring at him with his green, passionate eyes ablaze with affection. "You're good with kids, dude."

"I _hates _kids, Pickle."

"Even ours?"

He shrugs and stares into the baby's face. "Nos, I guess not." I watch as he gently touches the young one's cheek and smiles. "Do you thinks we did a good thing, adopting her?"

"Sure we did. We're gonna be good parents...well, at least _you _are."

Over in the baby's crib I couldn't help but to think, _That poor child is doomed..._

"I think she ams asleep now!" my Master says with a sigh of relief. "Thanks God; I'm so tired."

"Next time she cries, I'll get her." the drummer promises, patting the bed beside him. "C'mon, go to sleep. You're tired, huh?"

My Master says nothing for a moment and just carefully lays the baby girl in the crib. "Ja, I ams." and, like so many times before, he goes and crawls into the bed, safely into Pickles' arms. Meanwhile I am left to be snuggled and squeezed by that stupid little baby girl who...I was beginning to love.

The past few months had been a time of beginnings for me. Between the adopting of the baby and Pickles and Toki's third anniversary coming up, I was lost within the confusion of a new life. My Master was happier than ever. He didn't cry anymore and was always grinning absurdly. Here they were now with a child; I was hers now, she was my new Master.

I suppose that it really was a new beginning—the beginning of my Toki forgetting me and discarding me to his child, of me no longer sleeping in his bed, of him no longer kissing my nose or pinching my ears, pulling my tail, or hugging me...this was the start, wasn't it? Perhaps it was, but this new Master was just as good. She smiled at me before going to sleep, her eyes shining in the dim light of the room. I felt her grab my devil's tail, tug, and giggle softly.

_Sill girl...lovely girl._ My button-eyes looked over and watched as my Master let Pickles run a hand thru his hair delicately.

"Love you, dude."

"Loves you too."

And then they began whispering so quietly that I couldn't hear, and the baby girl finally fell into a sweet, dream-filled sleep. I let her hold my paw as she slept; sometimes she would smile in her slumber and I'd be there to bring her comfort. Yes, this was a good, new beginning of something that I didn't understand—there were still many things that I didn't get—but perhaps it was the best new start that I could hope for.

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****A/N****

**Yep, that's it. It's over now. Wasn't that cute? I sure hope so. Can you imagine if Pickles and Toki really did get together and have a kid? It would be the biggest alcoholic/deddy-bear- loving/guitarist-drummer kid ever. :P**

**I hope you enjoyed this happy, whimsical story, because the next one I publish will be very, very, horribly sad, dark, and just plain depressing. I think that I might get a few death treats because of it...seriously, I even cried while **_**thinking **_**of the ending...*hint, hint* It will involve the Apocalypse. That's all I will say about that. Hope you liked this story and will read my next one. Thank you to those who you have reviewed, because I really, really appreciate it. Love you all. **

**Peace & Love**


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